We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
