I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
