I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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