I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
