There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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