she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
