Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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