We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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