I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
