Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
