and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
