You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
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I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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