I can tuck mytits in my pants
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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