I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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