Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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