I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
