Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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