that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
