i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
