I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
