look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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