I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
