Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
