so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
