he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
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my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
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Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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