i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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