You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
