Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
