getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
