Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
