you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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