So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
