**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
