Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
