Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
