You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
