This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
