I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
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just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
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That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex