i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
