I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
