k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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