Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
