planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going