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spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
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