girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.