3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.