i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
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he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.