i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?