I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
