Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
