I CAN MOONWALK!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
