JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
