Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
