i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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