Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize