is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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