Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
