what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I want a musical about memes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
