he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
