Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
