I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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