The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
