That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
