god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
wow bdsm is so cute
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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