all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
