I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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