How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
farters have to be the big spoon...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
