Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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