Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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