It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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